Loss of Family Member
From wikiSenior
After a Family Burial
The most important thing to remember in learning to cope with the loss of a loved one is that it is not something you "get over". Instead, it is something you learn to adapt to. The loss always remains. The love doesn’t die. But you slowly learn to adapt to the remoteness of that love. That love always remains part of you. It hurts not to be able to share your thoughts so directly, but they are still shared. The conversation of love keeps going.
After the burial and the good-byes to the dear friends and relatives, the quiet settles in and brings with it layers of grief.
- Emptiness - Death is the most absolute separation we face. When it happens in a family, the emptiness that hits you in the pit of your stomach keeps rebounding through the eyes of other family members. At first, this sharing expands the intensity of the grief. But ultimately, the mutual support helps all members deal with the loss more effectively.
- Guilt I - As your spirit pulls out of that profound feeling of emptiness, memories spark back of both joys and sorrows. For a while, it is difficult not to rue the times when we wished we had done better and been more supportive. We need to process an entire book of memories before we can release ourselves from that guilt.
- Guilt II - This next phase of guilt strikes the first time we are finally able to express a laugh that is truly filled with joy. Grandchildren are usually the cause, but it can be anything. When that moment happens, a sense of guilt that you are there to enjoy it can grip your spirit. Our minds fully realize that life must go on, but our hearts are slower to embrace that reality.
With time, our hearts go through these phases. We get on with the business of living because we must. But our hearts go on loving. That love never dies.
