Still Clickin

Having spent most of my working life in New York City, that melting pot of humanity, I was always used to recognizing other people’s celebrations. As the days became shorter and darker, it was delightful to encounter celebratory lights and smiles. The context that framed those smiles varied with their cultural backgrounds. For some it was Christmas, for others Hanukkah, for some Kwanzaa, for still others Hari Raya. (I’m sure there are other holidays, but these were celebrated by the people with whom I worked.) As a true New Yorker, however, you realized that it was your responsibility to get the date right and share greetings and best wishes for all the various holidays, by name.

Where did all that respect for diversity go? “Happy Holidays” just doesn’t cut it for me. It ignores diversity rather than celebrates it. It lacks style. Frankly, I find it just plain lazy!

Over the years, I certainly have made mistakes, wishing people best wishes for the wrong holiday. I’ve also been on the receiving end of such “mistakes”, but I’ve never taken offense. I don’t understand how you can be offended by someone wishing you well. They are trying to share their humanity and joy of celebration. How can anyone in their right mind be offended?

Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day lack this diversity. Because they are common celebrations, they pass more easily through the social consciousness. They are celebrations of common survival, that we still have both food and time. As a consequence, they are socially safer celebrations. The diversity of cultures and beliefs are not involved. You don’t have to be so socially sensitive. They take less “work”.

Trying to force the celebrations of diverse cultures and religions into the same “safe” mold, however, ignores their realities. To me, “Happy Holidays” doesn’t say that I’m trying to be sensitive. Instead, it says that I’m either too casual or too lazy to care.

So let us rejoice in the richness of our diversity. I send you best wishes. Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Joyous Kwanzaa! Selamat Hari Raya!

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Did you ever wonder how people actually decide to vote? People can make many statements before or after, but what do they actually do behind that partition? Voting can become a very personal decision, and that decision process can have a lot of variables.

For example, people can select a candidate because they feel that -

• their gut reaction tells them that candidate is cute, smart, experienced, or safe.
• a particular choice least offends their prejudicial inclination toward age, race, gender, or religion.
• one person is most committed to one particular cause.
• commitment to a particular party is paramount.
• an analysis reveals that a candidate’s positions on issues would be best either for the country or for themselves

Pundits agonize over these variables.

In trying to analyze my own decision process, I strongly suspect that my final choice will be driven by a mixture of factors. I do think that an analysis of the issues is very important, even though their simplicity and limited input can only express an orientation rather than a pragmatic plan of action.

But my gut reaction is probably going to be the most influential. In personnel decisions over the years, I have always deferred to my gut. However, in this selection, my gut is going to be strongly influenced by whom I feel would be the best consensus manager.

In business, you don’t have to be a consensus manager. You can launch a new initiative with the cooperation of just a few key people. Successful government decisions, on the other hand, require the buy-in of a large number of people. Typically, the resulting initiatives only partially reflect the initial intent because of all the compromises that have to be made. But if done in a proper and transparent manner, the final initiative can have added dimensions that improve on the original intent.

A consensus manager can orchestrate that type of initiative. Keeping diverse groups on target, listening to a variety of views, guiding the selection of the possible elements, securing the final consensus, and monitoring the execution of its implementation are all components of any consensus manager’s portfolio.

The current administration, as evidenced by their secrecy and management blunders, simply lacked this capability which is why it is so sorely needed now. The prejudicial soup of influences - age, race, gender, or religion - aren’t really important factors in this election, consensus management is. It is desperately needed, and I hope the best consensus manager wins.

One of the delights of being a grandparent is the chance to participate in the joy of new milestones. This is a refreshing antidote to that wet blanket of boredom that can engulf older folks with the feeling of “deja vu all over again.”

The longer we assemble an experience base, the more life seems to echo with the sound of “same old, same old.” Today’s latest happening or style seems too similar, or is an exact copy, of those from yesterday which we remember all too well. Sometimes we can appreciate the skillful execution of a revival, but the plot holds nothing new. Grandchildren lift us out of that stagnation.

Two days ago, I attended my grandson’s preschool graduation event. The room was ringed with chairs filled with parents and grandparents. The four year-olds trotted in with infectious enthusiasm, each wearing a mortar board topper filled with bright lettered quips. Each was called up by their gracious teacher who gave them each special praise. They received a necklace with their name, a special ring, and a colorful certificate with lots of sparkles that proclaimed their successful completion of their last year in preschool.

The smiles around the room were contagious. The mirth and joy were genuine. The delight was real. The cupcakes and strawberries served afterwards were enthusiastically enjoyed by all.

Life goes in cycles. Before preschool, the last graduation I attended was for my daughter’s doctorate. That day was very special, but it wasn’t my first university commencement. This day, in contrast, was very different. Preschool graduations are something brand new for me. I hope I get a chance to attend many more.

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Many folks who have moved to a new town have joined a Newcomers Club. This is a fairly informal organization that provides a structure for meeting other people that also are new to an area.

That same informal structure can work for seniors. Why not a New Retirees Club composed of people that have truly stopped working and are trying to adjust to this new senior lifestyle? Such a group could -

• pick a particular neighborhood or area on which to focus,
• publicize their existence through the Internet, local libraries and newspapers, and
• create a social network that could provide support to its members

Initially, the focus of such a group would primarily be social in nature. But as seniors in their 60’s and 70’s progress to elders in their 80’s and 90’s, more formal arrangements might be established. As a group, their purchasing power would exceed that of any individual. Pooling that power, they could retain the services of a social worker as well as a nurse to provide in-home services. These services could expand to include -

• Coordination Center - to answer any question and arrange services
• Daily phone calls - to monitor status
• Home Maintenance - repair, revisions, cleaning
• Local Transport - groceries, errands, appointments
• Meals - home delivery, dining groups
• Office - bill paying, computer problem solving
• Volunteer - opportunities with the group or in the area
• Exercise programs - group walks, sessions at local facilities
• Cultural - theater & museum trips
• Educational - classes at local organizations
• Assisted living - care offered in your home
• Nursing care - short term care arranged

Such a neighborhood network can permit people to stay in their homes and maintain their independence well beyond the norm. Aging can be celebrated as a shared adventure rather than feared in isolation.

N. B. Click below to make a comment. If you would prefer to make an enhancement to the original article, please go to wikiSenior and click on edit.

“Peace on Earth” and “Joy to the World” usually elicit sentiments of good cheer, family, and friends. For those that are alone, isolated, and weary, however, the opposite can be true. The cheer promoted by others can underline the degree of isolation and grate upon a weary spirit. The ‘same old, same old’ answers of our faith can become to feel tired and unreal.

Somewhere between the late 20’s and early 40’s, many people go through a period of time where they question the faith that was passed on to them by their families. They question at that age because they feel invincible and immortal. A little more living and a crisis or two usually brings them back to a deeper, more sanguine faith. You’d think that would be enough.

But the weariness of age can occasion a reprieve of this questioning. With age, our perspectives seem to simplify. Specific, little rules, whether issued by governments or religions, take on less and less importance than the spirit and basis from which they empowered. Such basics can be reevaluated by seniors under the harsh light of a lifetime of experience. Faith, as one of those basics, is not immune. If it wavers, a powerful counterpoint to the Holiday Blues, as well as the vicissitudes of everyday life, is lost.

For those in this state, the most powerful antidote to the Holiday Blues is one, true friend. Unfortunately, that friend may exist, but not know, that they are needed. (Don’t we all love to wallow?) In that situation, it is the blunt responsibility of the wallowing senior to alert that friend. Otherwise, that senior is disavowing the friendship.

On the other hand, if that senior can identify no friend and feels friendless and isolated, it can become a real challenge to face the day each morning. Just when you feel the weakest, you need to act the strongest. Once again, attitude is everything.

In this situation, a senior has to accept the responsibility to change the situation. They first need to announce their Holiday Blues by reaching out to their caregivers, their careless family members, their merchants, and their neighbors. That reach should not include bitterness or wallowing because it dilutes the message. If that reach is genuine, the warmth of the human spirit will respond.

One way to enhance that reach is for the senior to serve it accompanied by the delicious drink of forgiveness, especially to caring, but hurt, family members. Forgiveness is one of the most freeing experiences for the giver and a treasured prize for the receiver. That gift could transform a Blues Holiday into one of the most treasured of your life.

For anyone reading this who is not a senior, this is a good time to reach out to old Aunt Ellie and Uncle Joe who nobody talks about anymore. It will help build your faith and cheer as well as theirs.

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Challenging the “Look-Through”

Adapting to life as a senior citizen seems to require more than a few adjustments. Some of them are physical, e.g. hearing aids. Others might require a shift in our mental attitudes. I’ve begun to detect a certain attitude in casual situations, e.g. mid-day at the mall, where I’ve noticed a subtle shift in how I’m approached by others. I’ve begun to refer to it as the “look-through”.

At times, we have all guilty of some prejudice, a.k.a. pre-judging. I now believe that it seems to come in two flavors, look-away and look-through.

• Look-away prejudice is the most common type. Typically, it is sparked by a rejection of diversity in racial traits or physical disabilities. Whether based in fear or indifference, it projects the “I don’t want to get involved” attitude. Looking away means you don’t have to deal with this person, issue, or situation.

• Look-through prejudice is a relatively new experience. It has always been around and, on any given day, we unconsciously may be subject to it or may be doing it ourselves. With this prejudice, the person is simply ignored or dismissed. They are either too young or too old to deserve serious consideration and can simply be dismissed with a polite smile. There is no need for a look-away.
  

Because it is so subtle, most people would deny having any prejudice against senior citizens. Unfortunately, it seems to be all too real. As such, I feel it is the responsibility of the senior to recognize and deflect.

1. I firmly believe that humor is the very best foil against any form of prejudice. I try to be engaged and challenging in a polite, but slightly aggressive, manner.
2. Turning the tables by making a witty observation coupled with an offer of help can often switch an attitude and engage a dismissive person.

Am I being paranoid? Am I the only one that has observed this? Love to know what you think.

N. B. Click below to make a comment. If you would prefer to make an enhancement to the original article, please go to wikiSenior.com and click on edit.