Still Clickin

Soon, we are scheduled to take a trip to the land of my ancestors. In addition, some of the members of my family’s next generation have been asking for any hints about their lineage. They have even uncovered and shown me some information that I had never seen. With all of those prods, I finally started to turn back some pages on our family’s history, and I am surprised at how much I am discovering.

A lot of the information still sits on handwritten records in some musty archive. But that being said, there is still an incredible amount that is available online. What I have discovered so far -

• A great grandfather and a photo of himself to boot.
• A great aunt and uncle whom I had never heard about.
• Dates, facts, and specifics on one side of the family that are supported by written records.
• A challenge to uncover more about the other side of the family.

Most American families came from “somewhere else”. We’re immigrants. Whether for political, social, or economic reasons, someone in our personal lineage had the courage to say, “Let’s move.” I can only guess at how heart-wrenching it must have been to leave family, friends, and the familiar and strike out for a new country. Our ancestors were very brave people.

To discover the stories of these people. To learn how many died in their thirties while others endured into their nineties. To scrape some distant recollections from the memories of your early youth. To discover ancestral photos, that you’ve never seen, revealed by distant cousins, that you never knew existed. These are the delights that make the tedious research of genealogy all worth it.

Your approach may be different, but I -

• started with the ship manifests at Ellis Island
• switched to Google using both names of various spellings as well as dates and addresses that I unveiled.
• followed these searches to government records, generally census records, which may be digitized or simply scanned and organized by geography rather than name.
• also followed these searches to the postings made by other people whose search may overlap with my own.

At this point, you are finished with most of the freebies. There are a lot of sites out there that are all too willing to help . . . for a price. You have to filter these to see if any are worth it for your search, but I’m considering -

• Ancestry.com which has the decency to offer a 14-day free trial. This site seems to offer the most complete facilities and have the longest reach.
• Government Genealogy Search which says its free, but their hand is out. They search multiple government databases.
• One Great Family gives a seven-day free trial.

This is the type of search that never really ends, but I now encourage others to try.
You really might enjoy the challenge . . . and expect everyone in the family to want a copy!

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With retirement comes the gift of time. And one way to use that time, recharge your batteries, and perhaps scratch a long-postponed yen, is to travel. Even though the finances of most people have been downsized over the past year, the economy has also created many bargains for those that have anything left. It may be time to scratch that itch.

Whether its around the block or around the world, travel brings an exposure to new vistas and experiences that shakes us out of our same-old-same-old routines. That bit of shaking gives us all a new sense of time, an event to mark our lives. In that way, it can be very healthful and rewarding, especially if it is shared.

But travel also brings its own set of challenges - planning, expenses, preparation and inconveniences - that can prove to be a hassle for many. For a successful trip, its imperative that we meet those challenges with a sense of fun.

Planning -
Both a weekend bus tour and an extended trip overseas take careful planning, and it’s fun to do. Part of the fun is discovering what is possible, learning more about the history and culture of an area, and targeting or avoiding local events that can draw extra crowds. To start,

• Set a Budget - No sense planning for a trip that breaks the bank. Pick a number, assume you’ll exceed it by 10%, and then explore what that number makes possible. Since sleeping is often the largest travel expense, how long you travel can have a greater impact on expenses than how far.
• Picking your Style - It’s silly to force yourself into a style you abhor, but the style that you find to be fun can have a major impact on your choice of destinations and budget. Guided tours are efficient, but less spontaneous. Cruises can feel exquisite to some and confining to others. For the physically fit, Elder Hostel & trekking may be the only way to go.
• Finding Destinations - One of the most interesting aspects of planning a trip is choosing your destination(s). exchange rates may influence the countries you choose, but this isn’t even an issue if you stay within your own borders.
• Selecting Travel Times - You can stretch your budget a lot if you avoid peak seasons and big events. If your desire is to do a museum crawl in Europe, February can be an excellent time.
• Using Travel agents - If you feel intimidated by the mass of information that the Internet delivers, you can always use a travel agent. Quite often, the fees that they charge may be offset by the deals they can discover.

Preparation -

• Read a Book - Once you’ve decided and locked in your itinerary, you can begin your preparation. The first thing I like to do is find an historical novel about the area to become steeped in its history.
• Travel guides - Find a good travel guide that is oriented toward your style. Make sure that it is light enough to carry, because you’ll want to take it along, as well as sufficiently detailed so that you can become informed as you go.
• Chart your Route - Learn enough about the locations that you can chart your overall course as well as the specific path you want to take through the cities or countryside.
• What to pack? - The short answer is ‘Less’. Everyone always takes too much. Plan to do some laundry, especially at anyplace you are staying for a couple of nights. We lessen drying time by rolling wet garments in a towel and stepping on it.

Have Fun -
Once you arrive, make certain you have some fun. Daily burdens can sometimes make people forget how to have fun, and travel is one way to force yourself out of that rut. Travel always brings some inconveniences, but is also brings adventure. So what if no one speaks your language or the bed sags. Use gestures, move the mattress to the floor, and laugh. Adventures are fun!

Helpful Links -
There are many. Here are some favorites -

• For airfare and other quotes from multiple sites try Kayak.
• Another source of both travels opinions as well as multiple quotes for fares, hotels, etc. try TripAdvisor.
• For alerts on travel specials, try TravelZoo.
• Elder Hostel offers diverse adventures for seniors.
• For packing and all sorts of other advice, go to the Rick Steves site.
• Of course, AARP Travel offers lots of info and specific tours.
• Lastly, if you’re headed beyond US borders, go to the government site for the latest information.

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Retirement comes with a mixed blessing . . . Time. All of a sudden, you gain a lot more control over your time and how you use it. Of course, there are legions of pundits at the ready to tell you just how you should use it, but I often wonder how many of these people have tried it themselves. This is especially true when it come to exercise, both physical and mental. We all know that we should do both, but which form is best?

One mental exercise that I have tried is the crossword puzzle in the New York Times. When I was still working, I sometimes tried it during the commute home when I didn’t have any task that was left over from work. Now, without the commute, I can do it any day I want.

My encounter with the NY Times Crossword began as a mild diversion that was completely mysterious at first. I didn’t even realize that there was a theme to the three or four long answers in each puzzle. Like most things, however, you soon develop a sense of its rhythm and discover that its level of difficulty increases throughout the week.

On Monday and Tuesday, both the clues and their answers are reasonably straightforward. The answers typically consist of one word. The clues usually have only one or two meanings. Sometimes, Monday can seem tougher than Tuesday, but usually it is the other way around. If you are new to crosswords, don’t try anything other than Monday or Tuesday, or you will quickly become discouraged.

On Wednesday, the clues start to become both more subtle and more diverse. For example, a question mark at the end of a clue indicates a fairly bizarre connection, e.g. the answer for the clue, ‘Homeland plot?’, could be ‘acre’. Also, the answers start to require multiple words, e.g. the answer for ‘Just for laughs’ could be ‘in fun’. Nonetheless, you are still working with one letter per box.

That can change on Thursday. On that day, a variety of tricks may start to appear. A box may require a symbol, or multiple letters, or an entire word. You begin to recognize this is happening when nothing seems to fit. Of course, that meaning has to work both directions, across and down. It is that double requirement that helps you uncover the secret. At this point, you recognize that the trickster that created this puzzle is really trying to fool you.

On Friday, you encounter the classic tough puzzle. All of the clues either have multiple meanings or are extremely obscure. Many of the answers require phrases rather than words. Whenever you finish a Friday puzzle, you start to feel that you are really are learning how to wrestle with this trickster, especially if you do it in ink.

Saturday’s puzzles are like Friday’s, but the answers are longer. Sunday’s puzzles are twice the size of the daily ones, but include elements of each day of the week.

Solving crosswords can not only be a diversion, it can also be a social, cooperative effort. My wife and I often share one, challenging each other with those difficult clues. It is not rocket science, but it is definitely an exercise for your brain cells. At our age, that can’t hurt!

You can find the crossword in any issue of the Times. I access it by just buying the paper. But you can also try a free puzzle online. You can also sign up for an annual online subscription if you get hooked.

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Lately, for an unrelated reason, I’ve had to visit a number of senior centers. Having never been to a senior center before, I had no idea what to expect. Would they act as a center for social services? Would they cater more to the frail than to the active? Would they be buzzing with social activities or quiet and staid? Would it be the type of place I could see myself ever becoming involved with?

The answer is - all of the above.

Although into my seventh decade, I still consider myself to be blessed with good health. Despite losing two teeth and gaining three scars last year, I still am a “second story man”, i.e. climbing the extension ladder, cleaning the gutters, and fixing the roof. In other words, “active”.

Would I want to become involved with a senior center? The answer is - it depends.

Like any social organization, it takes no more than five minutes to size up any particular senior center. In some, you felt the buzz as soon as you walked in the door.

At one center, bridge, ping-pong, book discussions, lectures and excursions were all in process at once. People were quite engaged. There was laughter and enthusiasm. The staff was welcoming and friendly. You not only felt that you could become involved, you hoped you could keep up.

Contrast that with another center where quiet pervaded the space. There were a number of people there, but only a few were even talking. Perhaps they were there for a mid-day meal. Possibly, this was the day that everyone else was off on an excursion. I do not know. I do know that the staff seemed quite defensive and ineffective. I do know that I would not want to return.

Ironically, these two centers were in located in similar demographics and less than five miles apart. Yet the difference was night and day. What that tells me is, if you are looking for a place to meet other seniors for activities and social interaction, shop around.

Like shoes, each of the different senior centers seemed to have their own style, comfort level, and purpose. I would shop until I located a place that fit mine - even if it meant another half-hour riding the bus.

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Every once in a while, you find yourself laughing so hard that your sides hurt. Last weekend, I encountered such a time. My wife had corralled me into an evening of square dancing, so I went along - naïve, nonchalant, and non-western. I probably would not have done well “out on the range”.

Our group entered a very clean, spacious facility which we had completely to ourselves . . . until some others showed up. It was obvious that these strangers took this western theme seriously. A lot of cowboy hats, vests, string ties, and even some boots. Many of the gals wore those flared skits that spread out like an upside-down funnel. A few sported badges that certified either their expertise or longevity at this activity, which they all took seriously, but with a smile. In all, they were an engaging group.

In the corner, the Caller set up his gear. It was all high tech, i.e. a PC and amp with speakers and a microphone. He made it very plain that he clearly liked his microphone. He explained that square dancing was a purely American dance that has now spread around the globe. He also revealed that the people assembled here were all volunteers that thoroughly enjoyed square dancing and were here to teach us in order to spread that joy. Then, he started the music.

These folks really started moving, following the changing directions of the Caller. One or two couples were in there 50’s, but most were older. I was surprised at how physically intense this activity was, for they hardly stopped moving. As the routines kept changing, even these ‘pros’ made a misstep every once in a while, but they handled it with humor and grace. In truth, theirs was a class act.

After a short break, each of the ‘pros’ grabbed one of us onlookers as their new partner. Some of us were ‘excess’, so we formed our own square without a pro to guide us.

It was fortuitous that I was in this excess square. All of my life, I have never been able to tell right from left. I now know that I am dyslexic, which means that I am not wired to reflexively respond to that direction. When told to take a right turn, my mind has to go through a logical process. It has to first think of which hand it is that I write with and then turn toward or away from the location of that hand. Since this process takes a bit of time, I can be a little slow on the uptake in an activity like the square dance.

The results were hilarious. Because of delaying or going the wrong way, I not only threw myself off, but the other dancers as well. A few times we were as perfect as the “pros’, but most of the time it was like riding bumper cars. With each bump, we laughed harder and harder, so that it was best there were no “pros’ in our group to embarrass.

Although it could never be my cup of tea, I was very impressed by the enthusiastic fun and healthy exercise everyone experienced. I became convinced that square dancing is a vigorous activity that every senior should seriously consider. It engages your mind, muscle, and sense of humor.

To start your search for groups in your neighborhood, this site contains links to a number of square dancing resources on the Internet. Enjoy your dosado!

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When dealing with the first layer of the retirement lifecycle, the big issues, i.e. finances, health, real estate, etc., all seem to take center stage. Change forces us to re-evaluate prior assumptions and make suitable adjustments. But once those adaptations have been made, the more subtle aspects of retirement seep into our daily rhythms, i.e. limitations, loneliness, and purpose.

Living life with a clear sense of purpose is always a challenge at any age. Defining careers, embracing families, and giving back can stretch anyone to the point that they can lose the sense of purpose. Learning Selfless Love, that ultimate purpose of life, can take a back seat to the urgent, the critical, and the just-a-sec of daily survival.

But in retirement, purpose can become an even more elusive goal. If much of your everyday world was focused upon the daily challenges of family and work, then living with fewer demands from both of these sectors can leave you with an unwelcome sense of emptiness.

Retirement gifts you with that rare gift of Time. The basic question returns, “What are you going to do with your time?” To any intelligent person, it quickly becomes obvious that drifting is not an acceptable answer. But the right answer for one particular person, a.k.a. you, can be elusive. The blunt reality is that you are demanding a better answer for yourself than you have accepted in the past. You can have grown to become very comfortable with the big picture of your life, but stymied by some of the everyday details. It takes some work to figure it all out.

The details are not trivial.

• Family - Your role as a grandparent is simply not as demanding as that of a parent. Once the grandchildren are in school, their schedules don’t permit as much “together time” with grandparents.
• Work - Because of the “age hurdle”, the choices for an engagement in some productive work activity seem to be segmented into (1) unimaginative, low-scale paid work, or (2) potentially more creative, challenging, and satisfying, but unpaid, volunteer work.
• Travel - Can be a very meaningful activity if it is a learning experience as well as a shared moment that can be a gift to that special someone. The erosion of the financial markets, however, may now constrain your range of choices.
• Social Activities - For example, golf, tennis, or bridge, can be pleasant activities for sharing time with family and friends. In and of themselves, however, these pursuits can lack staying power and purpose for many people.

What to do?

1. Identify the top five things you love to do.
2. Identify the top five things in which you excel.
3. If the “top five” approach doesn’t reveal a direction for you, talk with friends and relatives who know you and may have heard of something you might find interesting.
4. If you still are debating with yourself, look for something in which you can get engaged quickly. Try it, and see what you learn. If it doesn’t work, try a different option. It may take a few tries, but it is better than procrastinating.
5. Good luck with your efforts!

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“A User’s Guide for Senior Living”

In the waiting room at the dentist’s, the lady in the next chair acted tired but seemed to want to talk. The conversation turned to downsizing, and she said, “Oh, I wish we had done that. It’s too late for us now. Our big old house has become a burden, but my husband’s health is such that we can’t make any change now.”

That comment sounded an alarm bell. As seniors we have to become highly sensitive new demands:

1. Change - We have to face the fact that our senior years, like those of childhood, are a period of dramatic changes. Although cruise control can work well during middle age, it is a mistake to try to use it during our senior years. There is simply too much change.
2. Information - Coping with that amount of change requires careful thought and access to a lot of new information. Although the Internet is awash with information for seniors, it is scattered, disorganized, and often confusing. There is no comprehensive, organized user’s guide.
3. Perspective - At 25, we saw life very differently than we did at 5; at 45 differently than 25, and at 65 differently than 45. For this new information to be truly helpful, it must be presented from our own age perspective.

The aim of WikiSenior is to be that pragmatic User’s Guide that addresses these new demands. Ideally, this reference will contain enough information to equip any engaged senior to make practical plans and choices about how they will live their lives during these years of change. It is not only targeted at the Top Concerns of seniors, it also addresses those daily concerns, e.g. “Shall we eat out or in?” that we all face everyday.

What can you do?

1. Share the insights you have learned through your own life experience. To be effective, this free guide about the challenges of senior living must be authored by the real experts of senior living, i.e. seniors themselves.
2. Click on Write experiences, share wisdom, collaborate & author Topics to learn how it works. If you’ve just solved an issue, identify it and tell us what worked. You don’t need to be a computer expert. You just need to know how to type. . . one or two fingers, or more.

If you’re itching to become engaged and “out among the people”, volunteering may answer your needs. Although it wont help paying the bills, volunteering often pays handsomely in the sense of satisfaction you gain by helping other people.

Numerous organizations want your help. Hospitals, churches, museums, senior services, schools, non-profits, and service clubs all depend on volunteers to perform many of their basic functions. While some organizations have very organized volunteer operations, others are quite casual. How should you select among them?

• Follow your own talents and interests. For example, if you love to cook, a soup kitchen may suit your fancy.
• Search and list a few organizations in your area that reflect your choices.
• Craigslist has postings for volunteers in their community section.
• Talk to friends to learn if they know of any local opportunities or organizations.
• Inquire at the local library and churches, which may be aware of organizations in need because they often provide space for their meetings.
• Once you have identified some opportunities, try a few. While the mission of one organization may appeal to you, the individual personalities you encounter may not. Don’t be afraid to dabble until you find your comfort zone.

Once you’ve found your niche, don’t hesitate to dig in. In any volunteer organization, the best challenges are always reserved for the people that can be “counted on”. If your commitment is only marginal, the treatment you receive will reflect that.

Once you are involved and know you are making a serious contribution, your sense of satisfaction and ownership of the operation will deepen. You will become one of the key members of the group and develop that rewarding sense of “being needed” and “making a difference”.

And if, in these troubled economic times, the cost of groceries ever does start becoming a problem for you, you will find that many organizations look first to their key volunteers when selecting someone to fill a paying position.

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Have you ever been to Night School? It is a very special place. The people whom you meet there invariably treasure and respect learning. Rather than sit in front of a boob tube or go to the mall, they are rushing through dinner, or delaying it, and doing their utmost to reach the room ahead of the teacher. It isn’t easy.

I’ve shared the Night School experience at a number of different levels - trying my hand at oil painting at a local YMCA, taking an exhausting 3-hour class in advanced physics in which I had to keep kicking myself to stay up with the presentation, teaching a physics course (only 2-hours long) to people that had worked hard all day just as I had, and teaching business people how computers were going to change their lives. I felt that each of these experiences taught me a lot whichever side of the desk I occupied. The fun of learning was contagious.

A day rarely goes past where you don’t learn something new. With retirement, however, the opportunity to dive back into the formal learning environment is real. Typically, local schools are very generous to senior citizens auditing classes, charging only nominal fees. It is always exciting for a senior citizen to feel the energy of the younger people in the classroom, and your participation makes them gain new respect for their current opportunity.

If you are a bit afraid of taking this step into the classroom, don’t be. With the perspective of age, you can readily accept a very fundamental precept of teaching, i.e. that there are very few difficult ideas, only poorly explained ones. Above all, a good teacher is a good communicator, and it is not unreasonable to expect clear communication. With the grace of age, you are able to ask the question that others in the room may be afraid to venture. In that way, you can make a valuable contribution to the entire process.

But the biggest part of the education experience is to enjoy the ride. Look for a refresher course about something you once knew, or reach for an entirely new subject that sparks your curiosity. You will not regret the experience. And if you choose Night School, you will meet a diverse group of quite interesting people.

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If you want to experience an upbeat moment, see the documentary, Young@Heart. This is the story of a group of senior citizens from Northampton, MA who belong to a chorus that knocks your socks off.

Rather than sing songs from Gershwin or Cohen, this crew serves up renditions of Coldplay, the Clash and Jimi Hendrix. They don’t just sing at the local auditorium, but internationally. Audiences love both their talent and their spunk. See the details at their own website, Young@Heart Chorus. Whether you purchase a copy of their movie there or order it through Netflix, you will be cheered and amazed by the quality of their performance.

Oh, it should also be mentioned that the average age of the group is 81. Just the way that Eileen Hall, age 92, serves up “Should I Stay or Should I Go” by the Clash will make you sit up and take notice. See this film and be inspired by the determination, enthusiasm, camaraderie, and real talent of this ensemble.

Your town may not have a group like this, but it certainly must have church choirs as well as other groups that embrace the wonder of song. Rather than waste your talent on arias in the shower, investigate what’s happening in your area. Song is a universal gift. If you are searching for an activity that benefits both body and soul, try the chorus.

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