Still Clickin

Isn’t funny how your perception of Time changes with age and across the generations.

When we’re young children, Time is defined by events. We become familiar with Bedtime, Mealtime, story Time, and now screen Time. Our Time is measured by activities or events, not hours or minutes. For the young, Time can seem endless when you are actively involved or forever when you are waiting for someone or something.

As young adults, the challenge is to achieve as much as possible within any given slot of Time. Thinking of and preparing for the next event can seem to be an unnecessary waste of Time that could be used for other things. Familiar drills, such as shopping or dinner, are dealt with on the fly and do not need any careful rumination. We would deal as things came along. We would pride ourselves on managing and maximizing Time. Waiting anywhere was a waste of Time. Just-in-Time was the standard objective. Frenetic was fun. You felt alive and in control.

Over the years, as the clock ticked into middle age, a few missed flights, a botched deadline, or a disappointed friend encouraged the addition of a Time cushion into our schedules. It became a habit to carry along something to read or a project to work on that made this cushion of Time more productive. In fact, sometimes that Time cushion could turn into the most productive Time of the week. Frenetic became passé. You felt more assured and in control.

Today, watching some of my older friends, I observe how concerned they are about Time. They seem to obsess about always wanting to be on-Time. They always allow a very generous amount of Time to prepare for or to arrive at any event. Living with fewer demands and far more abundant Time, it seems that people take longer and longer to do fewer and fewer things. Frenetic isn’t even in the lexicon.

It seems curious that older seniors always seem to be thinking of and preparing for the next event rather than enjoying the current moment of the day. For example, the minute lunch is over they are thinking about what we are going to do for dinner. Planning for the next event is always front and center stage.

Watching these different perceptions of Generational Time in play, and the inherent conflicts they can create at family gatherings and outings, I realize that I have an entirely different role to play in this ongoing human comedy called life. It is now my job to point out why there are different perceptions of a simple thing like Time. More often than not, my solution is humor . . . especially laughing at myself. After all, who wants to spent their Time being upset over different perspectives of Time.

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Unless their toes are cold, many people I know, including me, don’t like to wear shoes. They like to spread their toes and feel the earth . . . or the carpet. With our feet, we directly engage our surroundings.

But formalities, gravel, and cold temperatures often can force our toes into shoes. Whenever that occurs, I much prefer old shoes. My old shoes know my feet, and my feet know them. They have adapted, through thousands of steps, to the bumps and contours of my individual tootsies, and they no longer conform to the standardized last from which they first were formed. They are now entirely customized to these two feet.

Whenever worn, the feet recognize that these two shoes are not strangers. They have history together. That history once may have left the toes with some blisters and the shoes with some scrapes, but leather has stretched and calluses formed. These feet and shoes now know each other’s quirks. They have adapted and accepted. They really fit.

Old friends are like that. Old friends adapt to our personalities, and we to theirs. Any particular quirks of our personalities have rubbed against the quirks of theirs. Long ago, we both have adapted. We have learned and earned history with one another. We are familiar with their struggles. We have watched their children blossom as they have watched ours. We have and share history.

Recently, we once again experienced the gift of old friends. As new nor’westers, we were visited by some of our old nor’easter friends. We have know these folks for more than thirty years. We have shared successes and failures, the wonders of growing families, and the challenges of daily survival.

With these old friends, we had no need for “safe” conversations. We could freely thrash about with our latest thoughts on politics, religion, and family without any fear of boring or offending. We knew ahead of time that any possible faux pas was automatically accepted, forgiven, and enthusiastically disputed. We had learned to stretch and callus a long time ago. We simply “fit”.

Through the experience of moving to another ocean, we have had the experience of meeting many new friends. New friends can be interesting. The challenge of meeting new friends can be exciting. When meeting new friends, we not only have the opportunity to learn something about them, but also something new about ourselves.

But nothing can match the familiarity, comfort, and warmth of old friends. Like fine wines, old friends mellow and improve with age.

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Every once in a while, you find yourself laughing so hard that your sides hurt. Last weekend, I encountered such a time. My wife had corralled me into an evening of square dancing, so I went along - naïve, nonchalant, and non-western. I probably would not have done well “out on the range”.

Our group entered a very clean, spacious facility which we had completely to ourselves . . . until some others showed up. It was obvious that these strangers took this western theme seriously. A lot of cowboy hats, vests, string ties, and even some boots. Many of the gals wore those flared skits that spread out like an upside-down funnel. A few sported badges that certified either their expertise or longevity at this activity, which they all took seriously, but with a smile. In all, they were an engaging group.

In the corner, the Caller set up his gear. It was all high tech, i.e. a PC and amp with speakers and a microphone. He made it very plain that he clearly liked his microphone. He explained that square dancing was a purely American dance that has now spread around the globe. He also revealed that the people assembled here were all volunteers that thoroughly enjoyed square dancing and were here to teach us in order to spread that joy. Then, he started the music.

These folks really started moving, following the changing directions of the Caller. One or two couples were in there 50’s, but most were older. I was surprised at how physically intense this activity was, for they hardly stopped moving. As the routines kept changing, even these ‘pros’ made a misstep every once in a while, but they handled it with humor and grace. In truth, theirs was a class act.

After a short break, each of the ‘pros’ grabbed one of us onlookers as their new partner. Some of us were ‘excess’, so we formed our own square without a pro to guide us.

It was fortuitous that I was in this excess square. All of my life, I have never been able to tell right from left. I now know that I am dyslexic, which means that I am not wired to reflexively respond to that direction. When told to take a right turn, my mind has to go through a logical process. It has to first think of which hand it is that I write with and then turn toward or away from the location of that hand. Since this process takes a bit of time, I can be a little slow on the uptake in an activity like the square dance.

The results were hilarious. Because of delaying or going the wrong way, I not only threw myself off, but the other dancers as well. A few times we were as perfect as the “pros’, but most of the time it was like riding bumper cars. With each bump, we laughed harder and harder, so that it was best there were no “pros’ in our group to embarrass.

Although it could never be my cup of tea, I was very impressed by the enthusiastic fun and healthy exercise everyone experienced. I became convinced that square dancing is a vigorous activity that every senior should seriously consider. It engages your mind, muscle, and sense of humor.

To start your search for groups in your neighborhood, this site contains links to a number of square dancing resources on the Internet. Enjoy your dosado!

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Surrounded by the Familiar

“Should I stay or should I go?” That’s not only the line from a song, it is a question many seniors ask of themselves. The majority of seniors stay put and live through their senior years at the old homestead. They have their friends near. They know their merchants. They are familiar with every curve in the local roads. They are surrounded by the comfort of their own history.

That does not mean, however, that it is wise for any of us to attempt to steer through this new phase of life using cruise control. They need to look at their surroundings with “new eyes” and assess whatever adjustments may be possible to enhance this next phase of their life. For example -

• Removing clutter
• Decide to spend some time upon a few “New Things to Try”
• Rearranging space for new usage
• Retrofitting the home for safety and ease
• Researching opportunities to reduce expenditures
• Discovering local senior activities and opportunities

Rather than ruminate, it is always better to do something. For example -

1. As suggested in Downsizing, identify a place for disposable items and start moving things to it. This “way station” approach allows you time to reassess and reverse your decision if necessary.
2. Rearrange the children’s bedrooms for space to accommodate your new activities.
3. Consider creating a master bedroom on the main floor if you do not already have that arrangement.
4. Secure scatter rugs, install some lever door knobs, add grab bars to the shower, and perform all the other modifications mentioned in Accident Prevention before you have the immediate need for them.
5. Investigate local property tax relief or caps that may be available in your area.
6. Audit your home for safety and make the necessary changes before they are necessary.

The important thing is to recognize that this is a new time in your life, and it is best to prepare carefully for it. Before health becomes more of an issue, it is smart to retrofit your nest for independent living. You might be surprised by how much you enjoy the changes.