Still Clickin

Lately, for an unrelated reason, I’ve had to visit a number of senior centers. Having never been to a senior center before, I had no idea what to expect. Would they act as a center for social services? Would they cater more to the frail than to the active? Would they be buzzing with social activities or quiet and staid? Would it be the type of place I could see myself ever becoming involved with?

The answer is - all of the above.

Although into my seventh decade, I still consider myself to be blessed with good health. Despite losing two teeth and gaining three scars last year, I still am a “second story man”, i.e. climbing the extension ladder, cleaning the gutters, and fixing the roof. In other words, “active”.

Would I want to become involved with a senior center? The answer is - it depends.

Like any social organization, it takes no more than five minutes to size up any particular senior center. In some, you felt the buzz as soon as you walked in the door.

At one center, bridge, ping-pong, book discussions, lectures and excursions were all in process at once. People were quite engaged. There was laughter and enthusiasm. The staff was welcoming and friendly. You not only felt that you could become involved, you hoped you could keep up.

Contrast that with another center where quiet pervaded the space. There were a number of people there, but only a few were even talking. Perhaps they were there for a mid-day meal. Possibly, this was the day that everyone else was off on an excursion. I do not know. I do know that the staff seemed quite defensive and ineffective. I do know that I would not want to return.

Ironically, these two centers were in located in similar demographics and less than five miles apart. Yet the difference was night and day. What that tells me is, if you are looking for a place to meet other seniors for activities and social interaction, shop around.

Like shoes, each of the different senior centers seemed to have their own style, comfort level, and purpose. I would shop until I located a place that fit mine - even if it meant another half-hour riding the bus.

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Because they can be used to call for help, cell phones often provide senior citizens with a sense of security and independence. Although I currently don’t choose to have one, my wife does, but it is old and has started to fade. To give me a project, she placed the search for a replacement into my hands. This is what I found in June 2009.

To make the best selection, I narrowed the search by first answering some key questions, i.e.
1. How is the phone going to be used? That choice determines both -

• the kind of phone you should pick as well as
• the type of billing plan you should select.

2. Of the major networks (AT&T, Verizon, Sprint/Nextel, T-Mobile), which provides the best signal in your immediate area?
3. Of the many service providers, which combines the best answers to the prior questions with stability, service, and price?

First, you need to pick your network. Despite all the ads, cell phone signals travel in a straight line between your phone and the nearest tower for your network. Hills and valleys matter. Don’t listen to the commercials; listen to your neighbors. Ask them which network they are using and how well it works for them. On the major highways, all of the major networks work well. However, at our last home, AT&T worked well and Verizon did not. Now, at our new home, the reverse is true. You can try this web site to assess the local terrain, but asking your neighbors is the best.

One improvement over the past year is that the networks in the USA have become more “open” as they are in the rest of the world. That means that you often don’t have to buy a new phone if it already has the technology (GSM or CDMA) that the network supports. CDMA is used by Verizon and Sprint / Nextel. GSM is used by AT&T and T-Mobile.

But if you don’t own a phone or have a “tired” one, how you answer the questions on usage can determine which model of telephone device you should select. Are there other things you want to do with this phone beyond telephone access? Today’s cell phones come in three major flavors, and there many additional features that you can pick to suit your taste. While their prices may vary from nothing to over $500, they allow you to do a lot more than just dial a friend. Listed by increasing cost, the categories are -

• Basic - allows you to talk and listen,
• Media - also lets you take pictures or video, play music or games, and
• Smart - acts like a mini PC for email, texting, and Internet access.

Next, you need to decide what your usage patterns will be, e.g.

• How many calls will you make per month, and how long will they last? Remember, you are charged for every minute that you are connected to the network whether you made the call or simply received it.
• What time of the day/night will you use your phone the most? Night and weekend calls are typically charged at lower rates.
• From what geographic area will you make/receive most of your calls? This choice can affect both the quality of the service as well as the cost.

The challenge is to pick the billing plans that best fit your actual usage because that will usually offer you the best value. There are two major types of billing plans -

• Contract - provides a year or two of service at a fixed monthly fee for a certain number of anytime minutes as well as a much higher number of night and weekend minutes, and
• Pre-pay - requires payment up-front for a fixed time period, and charges either by-the-minute or with a combination of daily (or monthly) access charges coupled with a lower by-the-minute fee. There is no contract. For many seniors whose usage is less than 200 minutes per month, a pre-pay usually offers the best value.

Once you have an idea of your network, phone, and billing plan, start searching for service providers. You can deal directly with the major networks or you can choose an alternate network (MVNO’s), who buy bulk time on the major networks and resell it to their customers. Often, these outfits offer more creative billing plans and solid customer service. Names you may have heard of in this group include Page Plus, Jitterbug, Consumer Cellular, TracFone, and Virgin Mobile.

My search ended with a pre-paid billing plan from the service provider, Page Plus Cellular, which uses Verizon’s network. The LG VX5200 media phone offered more features than we really needed, but at $15, the price was right.

The very next thing we need to do is enter the phone number into the Do Not Call Directory. I don’t want our minutes to be used for some tele-marketer’s solicitations.

Some links that may be helpful for your search are -

• WirelessInfo.com - provides reviews of many devices
• WirelessGuide.org - a buying guide for phones and services
• PrepaidReviews.com - extensive reviews of the prepaid plan
• CellGuru.net - nice comparison chart of the prepaid plans
• National Do Not Call Registry - critical for cell phones

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Sometimes I feel that I am committing a capital offense in today’s society. But I feel I must confess it outright and post it here today.

I do NOT have a Cell Phone! I do NOT Text! I am NOT on Facebook! I do NOT even Instant Message!

It is not that I am adverse to the technology. It neither confuses nor intimidates me. It is simply that I choose NOT to participate. I once used to pay for a cell plan that had more minutes than towers but did not provide a compelling solution to any real problem. In fact, by ringing in the midst of meetings and mealtimes, it often created a few.

When people know that they can access you directly, they seem to feel a sense of entitlement to your time. It is as if you have given them control over your priorities. You either accept their call, and risk the diversion from your priorities, or screen it out, and risk insulting them. If an issue is truly that critical, should you really rely on today’s cell phone technology?

Have you ever listened to the trivial conversations that people carry on over their cell phones? In fact, it is hard to avoid them since they frequently can invade your space in many trains, buses, or store aisles. Unfortunately, this increase in instant access seems to have become inversely proportional to the thoughtfulness of people’s answers. Is this technology really providing an enhancement?

I fully realize that my perspective is not popular. Today’s society seems to thrive on urgency, a fair amount of tension, and a high level of background noise. But does that lead to achievement? Does it lead to excellence? I think not.

It is difficult to escape the noise. People have devices plugged into their ears whenever they walk, ride, or fly. It is as if they are afraid of their own thoughts, of silence. It is as if they fear that they will be diminished if they are not constantly connected. As a result, our society seems to have lost the refinement in our thoughts that is the gift of reflection. The ‘urgent’ has superseded the ‘important’ to the point where the ‘important’ seems to get watered down to the point that it can blend with the ‘urgent’.

For example, compare two newspapers, USA Today and the New York Times. The former presents the news in sound bites, the latter with background and some perspective. Ironically, even USA Today is losing readership to the Web, which offers even briefer bullets.

My career was focused upon selecting and implementing technologies that would enable organizations to leapfrog, i.e. to do more with less. Technologies that did not provide extensive leverage were ignored or discarded.

Today, we seem to have become so enamored with what technology can do that we ignore the vital question of, “Should it?” The right answer, of course, will require some reflection . . . if anybody has the time.

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When we were all younger, our “big purchases” made a social statement. It could be a house, a car, or a boat, but it qualified as “big”. It typically required a loan, and with that loan people often would reach a bit beyond their means assuming that their earnings would not only catch-up but surpass any financial requirements.

One of the delights of our senior years is that people are no longer impressed by such social statements. What now impresses our contemporaries are our health status and our attitudes toward living. The house is now a roof and the car is transportation. “Smart” means less maintenance, not styling.

Last year, we bought a roof on the other side of the country from our last roof. Since we took the downsize challenge very seriously, our new roof is only half the size of our old roof which sheltered our family when it was growing. Sometimes, it can seem a bit tight, but that is an emotional response. In truth, we have plenty of space. But it is more of a roof than a statement.

Now, I’m considering replacing a car. The only car I ever connected with emotionally was a ’66 Mustang. (That love affair ended when it was stolen.) The car I’m thinking of replacing is the original ’95 Aurora, one of the few American cars designed by engineers rather than accountants. This car still runs, but at fifteen years of age, I know its reliability (It’s been outstanding.) will start to diminish. So I’m starting to look at cars again.

The last car we purchased was a Prius, which I viewed as the only intelligent choice at that time. I still feel that way, but I don’t want to get one more of the same. I’m looking for more innovations. I’d love to see a bit more storage topped by a roof with solar cells. I’d insist on a household current converter so that I could charge the car from the house, or visa-versa.

In short, I’m not trying to make a statement. I’m after safe, reliable, and green. Prius is the best right now. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if this GM Company that we now own could produce such a green car? That would be my hope. My suspicion is that two or three years from now my only choice will be a Prius-III, which I’ll buy by then if I have no other choice. It’s not a statement, it’s transportation.

Isn’t funny how your perception of Time changes with age and across the generations.

When we’re young children, Time is defined by events. We become familiar with Bedtime, Mealtime, story Time, and now screen Time. Our Time is measured by activities or events, not hours or minutes. For the young, Time can seem endless when you are actively involved or forever when you are waiting for someone or something.

As young adults, the challenge is to achieve as much as possible within any given slot of Time. Thinking of and preparing for the next event can seem to be an unnecessary waste of Time that could be used for other things. Familiar drills, such as shopping or dinner, are dealt with on the fly and do not need any careful rumination. We would deal as things came along. We would pride ourselves on managing and maximizing Time. Waiting anywhere was a waste of Time. Just-in-Time was the standard objective. Frenetic was fun. You felt alive and in control.

Over the years, as the clock ticked into middle age, a few missed flights, a botched deadline, or a disappointed friend encouraged the addition of a Time cushion into our schedules. It became a habit to carry along something to read or a project to work on that made this cushion of Time more productive. In fact, sometimes that Time cushion could turn into the most productive Time of the week. Frenetic became passé. You felt more assured and in control.

Today, watching some of my older friends, I observe how concerned they are about Time. They seem to obsess about always wanting to be on-Time. They always allow a very generous amount of Time to prepare for or to arrive at any event. Living with fewer demands and far more abundant Time, it seems that people take longer and longer to do fewer and fewer things. Frenetic isn’t even in the lexicon.

It seems curious that older seniors always seem to be thinking of and preparing for the next event rather than enjoying the current moment of the day. For example, the minute lunch is over they are thinking about what we are going to do for dinner. Planning for the next event is always front and center stage.

Watching these different perceptions of Generational Time in play, and the inherent conflicts they can create at family gatherings and outings, I realize that I have an entirely different role to play in this ongoing human comedy called life. It is now my job to point out why there are different perceptions of a simple thing like Time. More often than not, my solution is humor . . . especially laughing at myself. After all, who wants to spent their Time being upset over different perspectives of Time.

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Unless their toes are cold, many people I know, including me, don’t like to wear shoes. They like to spread their toes and feel the earth . . . or the carpet. With our feet, we directly engage our surroundings.

But formalities, gravel, and cold temperatures often can force our toes into shoes. Whenever that occurs, I much prefer old shoes. My old shoes know my feet, and my feet know them. They have adapted, through thousands of steps, to the bumps and contours of my individual tootsies, and they no longer conform to the standardized last from which they first were formed. They are now entirely customized to these two feet.

Whenever worn, the feet recognize that these two shoes are not strangers. They have history together. That history once may have left the toes with some blisters and the shoes with some scrapes, but leather has stretched and calluses formed. These feet and shoes now know each other’s quirks. They have adapted and accepted. They really fit.

Old friends are like that. Old friends adapt to our personalities, and we to theirs. Any particular quirks of our personalities have rubbed against the quirks of theirs. Long ago, we both have adapted. We have learned and earned history with one another. We are familiar with their struggles. We have watched their children blossom as they have watched ours. We have and share history.

Recently, we once again experienced the gift of old friends. As new nor’westers, we were visited by some of our old nor’easter friends. We have know these folks for more than thirty years. We have shared successes and failures, the wonders of growing families, and the challenges of daily survival.

With these old friends, we had no need for “safe” conversations. We could freely thrash about with our latest thoughts on politics, religion, and family without any fear of boring or offending. We knew ahead of time that any possible faux pas was automatically accepted, forgiven, and enthusiastically disputed. We had learned to stretch and callus a long time ago. We simply “fit”.

Through the experience of moving to another ocean, we have had the experience of meeting many new friends. New friends can be interesting. The challenge of meeting new friends can be exciting. When meeting new friends, we not only have the opportunity to learn something about them, but also something new about ourselves.

But nothing can match the familiarity, comfort, and warmth of old friends. Like fine wines, old friends mellow and improve with age.

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Every once in a while, you find yourself laughing so hard that your sides hurt. Last weekend, I encountered such a time. My wife had corralled me into an evening of square dancing, so I went along - naïve, nonchalant, and non-western. I probably would not have done well “out on the range”.

Our group entered a very clean, spacious facility which we had completely to ourselves . . . until some others showed up. It was obvious that these strangers took this western theme seriously. A lot of cowboy hats, vests, string ties, and even some boots. Many of the gals wore those flared skits that spread out like an upside-down funnel. A few sported badges that certified either their expertise or longevity at this activity, which they all took seriously, but with a smile. In all, they were an engaging group.

In the corner, the Caller set up his gear. It was all high tech, i.e. a PC and amp with speakers and a microphone. He made it very plain that he clearly liked his microphone. He explained that square dancing was a purely American dance that has now spread around the globe. He also revealed that the people assembled here were all volunteers that thoroughly enjoyed square dancing and were here to teach us in order to spread that joy. Then, he started the music.

These folks really started moving, following the changing directions of the Caller. One or two couples were in there 50’s, but most were older. I was surprised at how physically intense this activity was, for they hardly stopped moving. As the routines kept changing, even these ‘pros’ made a misstep every once in a while, but they handled it with humor and grace. In truth, theirs was a class act.

After a short break, each of the ‘pros’ grabbed one of us onlookers as their new partner. Some of us were ‘excess’, so we formed our own square without a pro to guide us.

It was fortuitous that I was in this excess square. All of my life, I have never been able to tell right from left. I now know that I am dyslexic, which means that I am not wired to reflexively respond to that direction. When told to take a right turn, my mind has to go through a logical process. It has to first think of which hand it is that I write with and then turn toward or away from the location of that hand. Since this process takes a bit of time, I can be a little slow on the uptake in an activity like the square dance.

The results were hilarious. Because of delaying or going the wrong way, I not only threw myself off, but the other dancers as well. A few times we were as perfect as the “pros’, but most of the time it was like riding bumper cars. With each bump, we laughed harder and harder, so that it was best there were no “pros’ in our group to embarrass.

Although it could never be my cup of tea, I was very impressed by the enthusiastic fun and healthy exercise everyone experienced. I became convinced that square dancing is a vigorous activity that every senior should seriously consider. It engages your mind, muscle, and sense of humor.

To start your search for groups in your neighborhood, this site contains links to a number of square dancing resources on the Internet. Enjoy your dosado!

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Surrounded by the Familiar

“Should I stay or should I go?” That’s not only the line from a song, it is a question many seniors ask of themselves. The majority of seniors stay put and live through their senior years at the old homestead. They have their friends near. They know their merchants. They are familiar with every curve in the local roads. They are surrounded by the comfort of their own history.

That does not mean, however, that it is wise for any of us to attempt to steer through this new phase of life using cruise control. They need to look at their surroundings with “new eyes” and assess whatever adjustments may be possible to enhance this next phase of their life. For example -

• Removing clutter
• Decide to spend some time upon a few “New Things to Try”
• Rearranging space for new usage
• Retrofitting the home for safety and ease
• Researching opportunities to reduce expenditures
• Discovering local senior activities and opportunities

Rather than ruminate, it is always better to do something. For example -

1. As suggested in Downsizing, identify a place for disposable items and start moving things to it. This “way station” approach allows you time to reassess and reverse your decision if necessary.
2. Rearrange the children’s bedrooms for space to accommodate your new activities.
3. Consider creating a master bedroom on the main floor if you do not already have that arrangement.
4. Secure scatter rugs, install some lever door knobs, add grab bars to the shower, and perform all the other modifications mentioned in Accident Prevention before you have the immediate need for them.
5. Investigate local property tax relief or caps that may be available in your area.
6. Audit your home for safety and make the necessary changes before they are necessary.

The important thing is to recognize that this is a new time in your life, and it is best to prepare carefully for it. Before health becomes more of an issue, it is smart to retrofit your nest for independent living. You might be surprised by how much you enjoy the changes.

A couple of days ago, my friend, Ron, gave me a great gift. He showed me the way to the sea. Standing on the top of a bluff, we could look 150 feet straight down to see the waves lapping the shoreline. But without wings, those last 150 feet were intimidating. Ron said, “follow me.”

He stepped through a slight notch in the land, and a path opened to reveal a series of dips in the earth that acted like steps. These dips were well worn by others that had trod them before, and step-by-step we ventured down the side of the bluff. Climbing over a fallen tree that had been claimed by the wind, a set of train tracks and a rock wall, we found ourselves on the beach itself with the open sea before us. The sea did not disappoint.

Filling our lungs with the rich essence of low tide mixed with the clean scent of salt, I knew I had found my way home again. The sea has always been in my blood, which was leached from different European shorelines. Since my early years, I have always felt most at home with the sea - in it, on it, or under it.

Two days later, while walking along the beach, I encountered some old shipwrecks along the shoreline. It was then that I met Curt. He was warning me to stay off his property, which extended down the water’s edge - wherever the tide decided it would be that day. Curt’s family had always lived by the sea, and we started talking about the differences between the shores on the East Coast, where I grew up, and the West Coast, where Curt did.

I was relating to Curt how, on the East Coast, we would awake in the morning to the smashing sound of clam shells being dropped from above by the sea gulls, who would then have their feast. I was surprised that the same thing did not happen in the West. Curt revealed that it did happen when he was young, but now the clams have all but disappeared.

It was then I realized the biggest difference between the two coasts, i.e. railroads. Because the East Coast is generally irregular and flat, the railroads were located a few miles inland. That precious dancing line between land and sea, where nutrients and life thrive, has been bisected by the railroads on the West Coast. Faced with a continuous series of bluffs, the rails were built right along the shore. The nutrients are blocked, the clams are dying out, and even the orcas, much further up the food chain, are disappearing.

The sea is truly a gift, but like any living thing, it requires respect and nourishment. Ironically, someone could make the same observation about senior citizens.

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When dealing with the first layer of the retirement lifecycle, the big issues, i.e. finances, health, real estate, etc., all seem to take center stage. Change forces us to re-evaluate prior assumptions and make suitable adjustments. But once those adaptations have been made, the more subtle aspects of retirement seep into our daily rhythms, i.e. limitations, loneliness, and purpose.

Living life with a clear sense of purpose is always a challenge at any age. Defining careers, embracing families, and giving back can stretch anyone to the point that they can lose the sense of purpose. Learning Selfless Love, that ultimate purpose of life, can take a back seat to the urgent, the critical, and the just-a-sec of daily survival.

But in retirement, purpose can become an even more elusive goal. If much of your everyday world was focused upon the daily challenges of family and work, then living with fewer demands from both of these sectors can leave you with an unwelcome sense of emptiness.

Retirement gifts you with that rare gift of Time. The basic question returns, “What are you going to do with your time?” To any intelligent person, it quickly becomes obvious that drifting is not an acceptable answer. But the right answer for one particular person, a.k.a. you, can be elusive. The blunt reality is that you are demanding a better answer for yourself than you have accepted in the past. You can have grown to become very comfortable with the big picture of your life, but stymied by some of the everyday details. It takes some work to figure it all out.

The details are not trivial.

• Family - Your role as a grandparent is simply not as demanding as that of a parent. Once the grandchildren are in school, their schedules don’t permit as much “together time” with grandparents.
• Work - Because of the “age hurdle”, the choices for an engagement in some productive work activity seem to be segmented into (1) unimaginative, low-scale paid work, or (2) potentially more creative, challenging, and satisfying, but unpaid, volunteer work.
• Travel - Can be a very meaningful activity if it is a learning experience as well as a shared moment that can be a gift to that special someone. The erosion of the financial markets, however, may now constrain your range of choices.
• Social Activities - For example, golf, tennis, or bridge, can be pleasant activities for sharing time with family and friends. In and of themselves, however, these pursuits can lack staying power and purpose for many people.

What to do?

1. Identify the top five things you love to do.
2. Identify the top five things in which you excel.
3. If the “top five” approach doesn’t reveal a direction for you, talk with friends and relatives who know you and may have heard of something you might find interesting.
4. If you still are debating with yourself, look for something in which you can get engaged quickly. Try it, and see what you learn. If it doesn’t work, try a different option. It may take a few tries, but it is better than procrastinating.
5. Good luck with your efforts!

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